Through the Door
by barsonaddict
Summary: Liv overhears a conversation between Rita Calhoun and Barba. Feelings are exposed, now they have to deal with them.
1. Chapter 1

**_So here's my latest, an attempt at a multi-chapter fic. Inspired by the prompt 'things you said I wasn't meant to hear'. Let me know what you think!_**

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Olivia approached Barba's office slowly, focusing on sending a text to Dodds and trying not to run into anything. She stopped just outside the door, still typing. At first she didn't pay any attention to the rumbling of voices through the door, but when she slid her phone in her pocket and reached out to knock, she heard her own name.

She paused, wondering who exactly Barba was meeting with that they were discussing her. Curiosity getting the best of her, she strained to hear the conversation.

"Look, I won't pretend to know what exactly the nature of your relationship is with Lieutenant Benson, but I know you Rafael- and I know what you want it to be. I've known you for a very long time and I can see it written all over your face whenever she's around," a female voice is saying. "Don't try to lie to me. I could tell when we were eighteen and I can tell now."

Olivia can hear Rafael's groan of frustration. "Rita- leave it."

Rita? Calhoun?

"No, Rafael. You're miserable. You've cut yourself off from basically everyone we went to school with, you rarely go out socially anymore, and I can tell this thing with Olivia is compounding your stress levels. When was the last time you were able to sleep without drugging yourself?"

"I don't- I didn't cut myself off- I just went to Steve's wedding for gods sake!"

"Rafael that was a year ago. And you spent half the time in St Barth's on the phone consulting on cases with SVU!"

Rafael's reply is too low to be heard from her position outside the door, but from his tone she can tell he's annoyed.

Rita's voice can be heard clearly, however. "Stop lying to yourself and tell her how you feel. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't."

Olivia can't understand all of his words but 'Tucker' and 'too late' can be heard clearly. Her stomach drops.

"Yes, I heard about IAB Tucker. The gossip mill extends to defense council too, you know. But Rafael- it's not too late until she has a ring on her finger. Remember that."

Olivia hears shuffling and the sound of footsteps approaching the door but she can't move and when Rita opens the door it is to see the Lieutenant frozen in shock, hand still poised to knock.

"Oh- Olivia!"

Embarrassed at being caught eavesdropping, Olivia flushes, and lowers her hand. "I, um..."

Upon hearing their exchange, Rafael looks up from the papers on his desk and can tell immediately by the look on her face that Olivia overheard their conversation.

Olivia and Rafael lock eyes, and Rita excuses herself, a satisfied smirk on her face. 'At least they can't ignore it anymore,' she thinks.

After almost a minute Olivia steps into the office, carefully closing the door behind her.

Rafael stays seated at his desk, and indicates the chairs facing him, inviting her to sit.

Silence stretches on for another minute, until Rafael can't stand it any longer. He decides to just lay it all out there. He has nothing to lose at this point, even his pride is out the window.

"So- from your reaction, I'm assuming you heard at least part of my conversation with Rita?"

Olivia shakes her head to snap out of the stunned fog she's in. "Um- yeah. I didn't realize you two had such a long history. Eighteen? What, did you meet on your first day at Harvard?"

Rafael stares blankly at Olivia. "That's what you're going to focus on?"

Olivia scoffs. "What do you want me to say, Barba? That your apparently lifelong friend is worried about you and thinks that I'm the solution to your problems? That your feelings for me are written all over your face whenever I'm around? That you're a workaholic who's going to work himself into an early grave? Which part should I focus on?!"

Rafael rubs his temples, willing away the migraine he can feel brewing. "I don't know, Liv," he replies softly. "Maybe we should just ignore it and move on. Or maybe we should just lay it all out there. Maybe then I'd be able to sleep."

She just stares at him.

Realizing this was probably the last thing she expected to deal with this afternoon, Rafael backtracks. "Sorry, I shouldn't have put this on you. Let's deal with the matter at hand, shall we?" he says, then shuffles files around on his desk looking for the case they are prepping for trial in a few days.

The sound of Olivia's phone ringing breaks the awkward silence.

"Benson." Her voice is a little unsteady.

Rafael tunes out the conversation, having found the file he was looking for, and starts making notes of the last minute prep that needs to be done.

A minute later Liv clears her throat and Barba flickers his eyes up at her to indicate he's listening but doesn't stop his scribbling.

"Um, I gotta go. There's something going on at the precinct that needs my attention apparently."

He nods, not sure if he should feel relieved or not that they won't need to address the elephant in the room. At least for now.

Olivia hasn't moved, mind racing with what to say before she leaves so that she doesn't ruin her friendship with this man.

"Liv? You were going back to the precinct." Keeping his head down he raises his eyes to look at her.

She sighs. "Yeah," she breathes out, forcing her feet into action and slowly makes her way to the door.

Just before she reaches the threshold she stops. "Lucy can't stay late tonight so I've got to be home but maybe you could join Noah and I for dinner?"

Rafael sits back in his chair, taking in her tentative body language. He nods slowly. It's been months since he's been to her apartment. "Yeah, I should finish up here around six."

She smiles in relief. "Great. See you tonight," she says, and exits the office.

When the door clicks shut behind her they let out twin sighs of relief, both happy and a little nervous about their pending dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

_**At least one more after this. Thanks for all the reviews and follows :)**_

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When Barba approached Olivia's apartment that evening, he had his briefcase in one hand and a bottle of her favourite wine in the other.

The entire walk over he contemplated bringing flowers, but ultimately decided against it; he didn't want to make things even more awkward after the revelations of the afternoon.

Plus, there's that whole thing where she's in a relationship with another man.

Pushing that thought aside, he shifts the wine to his other arm and reaches out to knock on the door.

Immediately he can hear screaming from inside, followed by footsteps. As they get closer he's able to decipher the screaming into words: pizza and man, on a continuous loop.

Olivia opens the door and smiles at him, trying to hold a bouncing Noah from fleeing the apartment. She's beautiful: hair pulled up in a messy bun, leggings, and a threadbare tshirt proclaiming her part of the 'NYPD Academy Class of 92'. Her feet are bare, revealing bright red nail polish on her toes.

He's staring, but luckily she's too focused on her son to notice. Noah's excited screaming has stopped; he's now trying to climb up his mother's leg into her arms.

"Sorry, Barba, come on in," she says, finally picking up the boy. Noah immediately buries his face in her neck. "The pizza is due any minute and somebody is a little excited."

"That's alright. I do that when I'm expecting pizza too," he jokes, then follows the Bensons into their home.

It's been awhile since he's been to her place so it's not surprising that Noah is being shy. He's glad he made an additional stop anticipating this situation.

"Noah, do you remember Mr. Rafael? He's our friend."

Noah doesn't say anything but peeks around to look at Barba. Rafael smiles at him and says, "Hi Noah. The last time I was here I brought you something. Do you remember what it was?"

Olivia gives him a look as if to say, 'he's two- you expect him to remember six months ago?', but stays quiet.

A smile breaks onto Noah's face. "Cookies!"

Rafael shoots Liv a triumphant smirk, then returns his attention to Noah. "You're right! The best cookies in New York. And I brought some today. Do you still like cookies?"

Noah nods his head furiously. "Cookies yummy! Noah cookie monster!"

Rafael and Olivia laugh when Noah starts shoving invisible cookies into his mouth and growling, 'coo-kie'.

The moment is interrupted by the sound of the buzzer announcing the pizza delivery. Olivia starts moving toward the door with Noah still in her arms but stops suddenly when he yells, "Mista Affa-yell!", and lunges for Barba.

"Apparently he's over the pizza man," she says, placing Noah in Barba's arms. He complies, mostly out of reflex, and pulls Noah's tiny body against his chest.

He has held Noah exactly one other time: he was just as terrified then as he is now. At least this time he's prepared. (He watched 'how to hold a baby' videos after Liv left his office that afternoon. He felt a little silly but two million other people had the same idea.)

Carefully Rafael puts his arm under Noah's bum to support his weight, and his other hand rests lightly on the boy's back. Noah grabs at Rafael's tie and says simply, "Pretty."

Barba smiles. "Thank you, Noah. I like to wear ties that are pretty colours."

Noah scrunches his nose and says, "Mista Tuck black tie. Not pretty."

Barba's stomach flip flops at the mention of the IAB Captain. He restrains himself from asking Noah about Tucker, instead changing the subject. "What's your favourite colour, amigo?"

"Umm...red!" Noah answers enthusiastically, pulling on Barba's red tie. "Red mean stop!"

"You're right, Noah. Red means stop."

"Mama like red. Mista Affa-yell like red?"

Barba is surprised at the ease of his interaction with Noah.

"Yes, I like red too. But green is my favourite."

"Green means go!"

Olivia is listening to their chattering from the front door, waiting on the pizza delivery man to make his way to the fourth floor. She has a soft smile on her face, happy that her son is so comfortable with Barba. This is why she invited him over in time for dinner- to see how they got along. It was one thing for Rafael to be attracted to her; she was a package deal these days though. Noah wasn't going anywhere and anyone who wanted to share her life needed to be ready to share Noah's life too.

"Mista Affa-yell has green tie?"

Barba smirks. "Yes. I have lots of different ties. All the colours of the rainbow!"

"Noah no red tie," the boy says sadly. He sticks his bottom lip out in a pout and looks up at Barba through his eyelashes. "Mista Affa-yell share me?"

Barba chuckles lightly. Kids sure learn manipulation techniques early. "Sure, amigo. You can wear my tie. But you have to be careful you don't make it tight. I don't want you to get hurt."

Noah nods seriously and repeats, "Be careful."

Barba carefully places Noah onto the couch, then sits next to him. He quickly removes his tie, undoing the knot. Then he reties it around Noah's neck, making the boy giggle as he inadvertently tickles him.

Noah looks down at the tie dangling down his front and looks up at Barba and says sweetly, "Tanks Mista Affa-yell."

Barba's heart melts a tiny bit. He smiles and says, "You're welcome."

Just then Liv comes back into the living room with the pizza.

"Mama, look at me Mama!" Noah calls out.

"Oh baby you look so handsome!" She gushes, depositing the pizza in the kitchen before joining them on the couch. "Is Mr Rafael spoiling you?"

Noah nods and hops down off the couch. He grabs Barba's hand and starts pulling. "Affa-yell. Play wif me."

Barba stands, but looks to Liv for confirmation.

"Okay, boys. You get five minutes to play before dinner," she says, settling back into the couch. She watches them play for ten minutes before she sets the table and cuts up Noah's pizza.

Dinner is the opposite of Rafael's usual dining experiences. It's loud and messy. More than once Noah exclaims his love of pizza with a full mouth, much to Olivia's dismay. But there are lots of smiles and laughter and neither adult can remember the last time they enjoyed a pizza quite so much.

The next hour goes by in a blur of cookie crumbs and bedtime stories. After assuring a tearful Noah that Mr Rafael will come back to play soon, Olivia tucks her son into bed. She lingers in his room for a few minutes, indulging him with a final rendition of 'Twinkle Twinkle' and making sure he's actually asleep.

Barba made a pot of coffee and is sitting on the couch when he hears her singing. He smiles wistfully, glad that Noah has the love every child deserves. Lost in thought about everything Liv has been through since finding Noah in that dingy motel room, he doesn't notice her enter the room until she sits next to him.

Sitting up straight, he indicates the mug on the coffee table. "Made you some coffee," he says softly.

"Thanks," she returns, just as softly. She reaches out to place her hand on his arm. "And thanks for joining us tonight. I know pizza and playing cars is not your usual Friday night activity."

Barba nods. "You're right, it's not. But I had fun. And I would..." he trails off at the sound of a brisk knock on the door.

Puzzled, as the buzzer hadn't gone off, Olivia excuses herself and heads to the door. She looks through the peephole and barely holds in a groan.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Everyone gets a gold star-it's Tucker! Friendly reminder that I enjoy Tuckson, and while he's obviously no Barba, I don't have a hate on for Ed. That said, Barson is clearly endgame ;)**_

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Olivia takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. Why did he choose tonight to show up unannounced? Sighing, she decides to get this over with, hopefully quickly and quietly.

She opens the door and steps out into the hallway, pulling the door behind her but not closing it. "Ed. What are you doing here?"

Tucker had clearly just left work, still in his usual dark suit and tie. He shifts his weight uncomfortably and replies, "I just wanted to talk. I figured Noah would be in bed and we'd have a chance..." he trails off, looking down the hallway at nothing in particular. "Can I come in?"

Olivia leans against the door jam and says, "I don't think that's a good idea. We broke up, Ed."

Barba can hear the conversation in the hallway clearly. Olivia's apartment is small, and especially with the door ajar sound carries easily.

His heart skips a beat and he can't hold back the smile that blooms on his face when he hears the magical words 'we broke up'.

He pulls out his phone and scrolls through his emails in an attempt to distract himself from eavesdropping any further.

Olivia's tone is sympathetic but firm, and Tucker is discouraged but can't help trying one last time. "Liv, please... I thought things were going good. We... I really care about you. I thought you cared about me too."

"I did, Ed. I don't regret our time together. But it's time to move on. I thought I was clear before, but I'll say it again. I think you are a good man and will make someone very happy, but I'm not that someone. Honestly, I haven't felt any regret since we talked."

Tucker's eyes are on the floor and he nods slowly. "Okay, I get it. I guess after you almost lost your job over me we were never going to make it."

"Ed," Liv says, putting a hand on his arm to ensure she has his attention. "That wasn't your fault. I should have disclosed our relationship from the start of that case, and there would have been no need for me to be transferred. I don't blame you for that. This isn't about anything you did or didn't do; this is about me just not feeling for you what I should. Understand?"

"Yeah, I understand," he answers, his voice rough with emotion. "I just wish things were different."

Olivia gives him a sad smile but doesn't return the sentiment. She is trying to be kind but honest at the same time. They will likely run into each other at work before too long; she can't slam the door in his face and tell him to take a hint.

Not forgetting that Barba is sitting twenty feet away on her couch, she encourages Tucker to leave. "Goodnight, Ed. I'll see you around."

Tucker tries to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. "Yeah. Bye, Liv."

She waits for him to get down the hallway before going back into her apartment and locking the door behind her. Leaning back against the door she takes a moment to breathe and gather her thoughts.

She had broken up with Tucker a week before, not for any one particular reason but like she told him: she just wasn't feeling for him what she should be. They had been together for going on six months and while she enjoyed the time they spent together she didn't really see their relationship evolving.

She knows Barba likely heard every word she just said. That's fine, she was going to tell him all of it tonight anyway.

Taking a deep breath, Liv walks back into the living room. Barba is sitting right where she left him, still sipping coffee but he's fiddling with his phone and has earbuds in.

Touched at his thoughtfulness, she reclaims her seat next to him. She playfully tugs out his earbud cord, and says, "That wasn't necessary, you know."

Barba shrugs and replies, "I heard some. I just wanted you to be able to tell me what you want on your own terms."

Olivia blushes slightly. "Like I did for you this afternoon?" She sighs. "I'm sorry. I was finishing a text outside your door when I heard my name and got curious as to who you were discussing me with. Then I was so surprised I just froze. I don't want to invade your privacy."

Barba reaches out and squeezes her hand in reassurance. "It's alright. We both overheard surprising things about the other today. Earlier I said maybe we should talk about it, put everything out there. My offer still stands."

Olivia looks down at their joined hands, feeling the butterflies in her stomach coming to life. Could they make it work between them? Would they be allowed to work together? Does she even feel for him what he feels for her?


	4. Chapter 4

_**One more after this! (It might be a while though, I'm heading on a trip and won't have much time to write.)**_

 _ **Thanks for all the reviews and follows :)**_

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"Tell me what you're thinking," Barba implores, ducking his head to try and make eye contact.

When she looks at him, his heart clenches at the tears in her eyes.

"It's okay," he says, voice rough with emotion. He drops her hand and scoots away from her on the couch. "I understand you don't feel the same way."

"That's not it," she says, her voice thick from trying to hold in her tears. "I'm scared."

Barba stills, genuinely confused. "Of me?"

Liv laughs sardonically. "Of you, of myself, of this whole situation. I have the worst track record when it comes to relationships: I'm scared that if we did this it would ruin everything."

Barba runs a tired hand over his face. "I don't have the best relationship history either. But..."

"But what?" She prompts gently.

"Don't you ever think about what it would be like? We already know each other- there wouldn't be that awkward 'getting to know you' phase to determine if you actually like the person. You don't have to worry about introducing Noah to someone new. We could just go right to the good stuff..."

He trails off and blushes when he realizes how suggestive his wording is. "I don't mean it like that..."

Olivia laughs, amused at seeing the usually composed Rafael Barba squirm. "Oh, don't stop now, Barba. Tell me more about this good stuff."

"Uh..."

She decides to give him a break and reaches out, placing her hand on his knee. "I know what you mean. Yeah, I've definitely thought about it over the years. People always say to fall in love with your best friend but that can have disastrous consequences. And coworkers aren't really the best option, are they? It feels like there are so many things stacked against us from the beginning."

"I'm scared too, Liv. I'm scared of never taking the chance to truly be happy. Everything Rita was saying today is true. I haven't been hanging out with our classmates very much; work's been so busy and when I do have spare time I don't want to spend it with newlyweds and married couples reminding me that I'm not getting any younger and I haven't settled down yet.

This is me laying it all out there. I love you. I think we would drive each other a little crazy, but in a good way. I don't have a lot of experience with kids but I'm willing to give it my best shot and Noah seems to like me. I'll keep bringing cookies just in case."

They share a smile and Olivia shifts closer to him on the couch. "I broke up with Tucker because I didn't feel enough for him, I couldn't see us moving forward together. Whenever we would talk about the future it just never felt right. Meanwhile one conversation with you, and I'm picturing us squabbling over what kind of pie to have at Thanksgiving when Noah brings our grandchildren for turkey dinner."

She blushes slightly at her confession but before she can retreat, Barba places his hand over hers. "I still think that would be nice."

She smiles softly at his response referencing their conversation in her office so long ago.

"So..." he trails off, not wanting to get his hopes up.

Instead of answering him, Liv leans in and kisses him. Soft and slow, they explore each other's mouths. When the need for air becomes urgent, she draws back.

Barba looks slightly dazed, and Liv can't help but giggle and place another kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"You can't be too surprised Rafael, I just told you I wanted to have grandchildren with you," she chides with a smirk.

Barba clears his throat. "I just can't believe you would even think of having any kind of pie other than pumpkin on Thanksgiving."

Liv lets out an exaggerated gasp. "You bite your tongue Rafael Barba. Apple pie is tradition in this house!"

Barba smiles. "Well maybe we could start some new traditions, together."

Olivia returns his smile. "Nothing would make me happier."

"So we're going to do this?"

Her smile widens even further and she nods. "Yeah, we're gonna do this."


End file.
